While I’m not sleeping

by juneberrystar

I have no idea what I am doing. I have no idea what I’m going for. I have no idea if I’m a good writer. I have no idea if I’m a good photographer. I have no idea if I’m going to make it. I have no idea how to move forward. Every year for the last ten years I have moved. Either to a new home. A new City. A new place. A new friend. A new boyfriend. I have moved and moved forward. I have never been here before where I have stopped moving. This isn’t what I thought it would be. I feel badly for all of my friends and family as they watch me not moving forward. I think its just as painful for them as it is me but what happened was I got so used to my hard work paying off. I fought tooth and nail for my life. To stand behind my decisions and then to have them blow up so royally was earth shattering. A series of explosions erupting in my face. I’ve never even witness this happen to anyone before in my life. I’m just hoping, now that its been a year, the dust has settled some and I can start to breath again.

I’ve been making improvements: blogging every few days, fixing my computer, fixing my car, struggling to find affordable living and finding me again. Who ever that is. I am 27 years old. This is not going to be my life. Recently, I watched Lola Versus, Your Sister’s Sister and Hysteria. I’m really enjoying Indie flicks this week. Last week, it was thrillers…this week its independent productions. I think they are setting the mood for the up coming Ravenswood Art Walk.

I have to admit its been nice watching completely disastrous situations just sort of work themselves out in the end. Life keeps going. Nothing really stops it even if I’ve stopped and I need to get moving. No matter how painful. It’s time to move.