I know it doesn’t seem like much and really when you look at it logically it isn’t much but certain things have emotional weight to them. Even when you don’t realize or willing to recognize it can be blocking you from moving forward.
During my drive home from my holiday excursion a bottle broke open on one of my favorite pillows. There really wasn’t anything I could do to save it except to wash it when I got home. I’ve had this set of channel pillows since my parents remodeled their house in the early 2000’s. Once I figured out the pillow could be saved I patched a hole on the side of it that had been there for as long as I remember. I can’t tell you why I never fixed it except to say that my depression made it impossible to fix. Each of these pillows has a similar tear from over the years.
Today, I am washing, drying and mending each one. So now when ever I look at them they will never say back to me, “You’ll poke your eye out” in my ex-boyfriend’s caring teasing tone as I rest my head on a small pile of safety pins that used to hold it together. The stuffing will no longer fall out and gratefully they won’t remind me of my life from over a year ago. It’s hard to imagine how my life has changed in 2015. I did everything humanly possible to make my life whole again. It’s silly to think that this little square pillow is a representation on how far I’ve come but even this post is testament to that. I’m writing again. So as I embark into the weeks head I will keep striving towards my next year’s resolutions.