Juneberry

transitional spaces into adulthood

Yum?

What is this? I’m really unsure how this is suppose to be good or healthy. I’m not one for emojis but -__- . Since I have been exercising more frequently, I don’t want to waste that good effort by eating poorly. I know they go hand in hand but I’m always hungry now which is not helpful. While at Heinen’s Grocery Store in Lake Bluff, I paused around the organic supplement section of the store, just past the vegetables *the actual healthy stuff. This isn’t a comment on Heinen’s marketing or business model because I have become fond of the new store that is conveniently on my way home and the fact there is a “healthy” section is pretty great. That said, I have no idea what this is. I have had little success in protein powders due to my lack of effort on the matter. I have a Nutribullet blender which has been wonderful but my breakfast needs more substance than yogurt and sugar. If I forget lunch, which is most days, I end up either buying something or binge eat at night time. I purchased a Kashi Organic Rise & Shine pouch, instead of investing the $50 on a tub of something I’m not sure what it tastes like. This is what I bought:

Kashi is a reputable healthy food option company but I do have a general expectation that when purchasing supplemental powder, there will be some weird flavor choices.

Our new Rise & Shine Vanilla™ Organic Breakfast Super Blend is a quick and easy way to fit well-rounded nutrition into your morning — no matter your routine. With the goodness of plant-based nutrition, including spinach, kale and dark berries, you can choose to mix this breakfast shake with your favorite milk, fruit or other smoothie ingredients.

This is what I got:

I put this green powder in my smoothie this morning and it took an additional cup of milk, honey and more yogurt than I ever need to flavor a smoothie. It had so much grit to it I had to add milk just to break down the texture. Once I added the other, not so healthy, things to my smoothie it was palatable but it is the most discussing looking drink I have ever had. Yum? I guess I’m not hungry (pun intended).

Seeing is Believing

I hate how we see ourselves. I hate how I see myself. There is so much that is wrong about how we perceive ourselves and how we perceive each other. My whole life, I am unable to look at a picture of myself and not like what is there. I imagine it is my assumption that anyone who looks at that picture is perceiving it the way I see it. That I don’t look pretty enough, or skinny enough or happy enough. Whatever is there that I don’t like about myself is in that photograph. When that just isn’t true. About five or seven years ago I stopped caring if someone wanted to take my picture. That even if I might not like the photo, I should be in it. I should mark the experience I’ve had with my friends or family and be present in the moments captured. I realized that here were all these wonderful moments and I wasn’t in any of the photos. As if I had never been at those events or participating in my own life. This isn’t about vanity or getting down on myself. The way I see myself and the way I think others sees me are so vastly different it is so hard to ratify the difference.

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(I am on the far right)

This is a wonderful photograph of my friends and I celebrating a birthday. Facebook sent me a reminder that this event happened. That I might want to reflect and share this image with the people I am connected to on Facebook. I remember this image. I remember hating how I looked in this image. That I might not be as pretty or skinny as my friends but that I was just me. I could see all my insecurities in this one image and looking back on it, that is completely crazy. I don’t hate this image. I don’t care if I am as pretty or as skinny as my friends. They are my friends and we are celebrating a birthday. Why do we or I do this to ourselves? There is nothing inherently wrong with this picture except for the fact that I had discouraging feelings about myself. One of the many agreements with myself that I have been trying to change. I don’t want to live that way and though I still have a ways to go, seeing and believing are very different.

For the Love of Coffee!

Another Pinterest success!! The newest decoration addition to my kitchen. I thought it would be fun and funny. I’ve been meaning to make it awhile now. Hehehehe 🙂

In Case of Emergency Break Glass design was originally posted from
Mama’s Gardener.

Spring is Here

Spring is finally here. I can’t tell you how much I love this time of year. This past weekend I hosted my first dinner party at my condo. It is a small feat to get nine people around a table in my home but with my sister and her husband’s help, I was able to. There are a lot of things in this world I struggle with. My constant internal battle for time alone vs. hiding in my condo. Having this party, having my family over, having them enjoying my place couldn’t have been possible without her. In fact this was my first dinner party ever. If you are friends with me on Facebook you would see, just how much I’ve been struggling with my ice cream maker but I was able to successfully make vanilla bean ice cream, german chocolate cake (my Dad’s favorite, since it was his birthday) and homemade buttermilk bread. There are a lot of things I would do differently: obviously start out with smaller groups of people, leave more space, the day of the party, to prepare the food, purchase propane for my grill and keep the menu small. I think going forward I might be able to manage it but there will be things I’ll have to adjust. Overall it was a successful party.

Now that spring is in full bloom, my allergies are a mess, the ground is soggy and the birds are singing, I get to enjoy the things I don’t normally get to do. I bake more, enjoy the weather more, go for long walks, make ice cream, and spend time with friends. It’s my hope, now that cakes are under my belt, is to move on to spring pies. My aunt’s purchased my favorite spring toy and gave it to me for my birthday, a pie box. I have yet to try it out.

Firstly, I need a new pie plate. The last one exploded in my kitchen. Don’t ask. I’m just glad I wasn’t in the room when it happened. Secondly, all of my pie making supplies are at my Dad’s house: pie weights, his pie plate, rolling pin, I bet he has a cutter, and lastly my cherry pie filling from Bea’s in Door County, Wisconsin. Trust me, it doesn’t get better than her cherry products and if you haven’t yet tried some, you need to next time you are in Wisconsin.

Easter, however, is on the horizon and I will be returning to Door Country for the weekend. Where I get to visit my favorite clothing store, kitchen store, winerybrewery, and my favorite pub for Friday fish fry. If you ever travel to Door County, I promise these are places you don’t want to miss. I also get to try out my new cakelette pan from william sonoma/nordi ware. I’m thinking carrot cake. Seems like the obvious choice. Good things looking ahead and more to show you after the holiday. Happy Spring!

Him, Her, and Them

the-disappearance-of-eleanor-rigby

No Spoilers:
It has been extremely hard to find something new to watch on Netflix. Not that there isn’t interesting movies or shows but they aren’t prioritized in anyway other than suggestions for you. Then I stumbled upon this gem. I am a big fan of Jessica Chastian. Not just because she is a redhead but she has a huge range of theatrical talent. She can be soft and hard at the same time or go from period pieces to contemporary films. When I did come across “The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Her” I found something strange. Below it, was the exact same movie except titled “The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Him”. I had discovered a double feature. I’ve only ever seen Quentin Tarantino use this style of filming.

I rarely enjoy researching a movie before I watch it. I am much more partial to going into it blind and letting the movie tell me what it wants to be. Then I found something even more confusing, “The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: Them”. Getting the sense I was missing some information I did research these three movies to find out that Her and Him is a double feature but when it came time to releasing the movies the studio felt that the audience wouldn’t want to sit through two 1.5 hour movies and created Them. I am not a movie expert nor am I a film critic but this was an unfortunate decision. They had created two extremely beautiful movies and smooshed them together into one. There is not right or wrong way to watch these films but having viewed all three I highly recommend watching Him THEN Her and skipping Them all together. You won’t be disappointed.

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Pinterest Success

It has almost been a full year since I last posted. I think after every New Year’s, I want and hope to spend more time doing this and it never seems to happen. I guess when it comes right down to it, I only want to talk about the things I’m really proud or excited about.

Two weeks ago we had a holiday party for one of my jobs. It was a wonderful party and such great company. I wanted to bring a chocolate cake. I recently got a Nordic Ware Christmas Tree cake pan for Christmas and I wanted to try it out. I have never been so disappointed in my baking skills in my life. The cake was delicious and decadent but stuck 100% to the pan. I have now since watched a many YouTube videos on what not to do: Don’t leave the cake in the pan for over an hour before trying to get it out or if you use PAM make sure it has flour in it and if you are making a chocolate cake use the cocoa powder someone gave you that you never thought in your right mind you would ever need. Turns out you do need it and you’re grateful to have it in your cupboard. So to say the least, I have not been inspired to post my most current failings.

These past two months I have been saving up money to pick up the quilt I finished sewing back in August of 2016. It didn’t take that long to make but mainly because I had the advice and help from a friend. Who patiently walked me through a lot of the issues I was having. Yesterday, I picked it up from the quilter. I am so excited its finally home and everything I could ever hope for. I have yet to finish the binding but it’s too pretty not to share. My inspiration came from a blog post I found on Pinterest by Astrid Slagle: Red Red Completely Red. She is a contemporary quilter who obviously blogs about her creations. I have wanted a Swiss Cross quilt for over a decade and when my friend Sarah offered to help I just had to make Astrid’s. Visually, I enjoy the restricted and ridged forms of a traditional Swiss Cross quilt. Each one can be so different with the same basic shapes. On Red Red Completely Red, she incorporated a variety of white/neutral fabrics for the background and the crosses were a traditional black. Her quilt had the same tone of traditionalism with a hint of contemporary minimalism with her own creative design.

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Find more information and pictures HERE of Astrid’s original quilt design. hough her’s is very pretty, having now seen mine in person, I like it more than her’s. It’s exactly everything I had hoped for. So this is a Pinterest Success!

Additional Note: The top stitch quilting was done by Sally Evanshank at Windy City Quilting. She did a wonderful job putting the brick pattern design on the quilt. I originally wanted straight lines but because my sewing is uneven and none of the pieces are intentionally even, except inside each block, it was better to stagger the top sewing.

a new year…

Today, is my one year anniversary of independence. I’ve been reminded a number of times that I need to focus more on the positive things I accomplished and not focus on the negative. I don’t normally do a year in review but after some thought, I truly have done so much this year to be grateful for. On April 1st, 2015 I separated myself from a huge negative part of my life and gradually took bigger steps towards the person I want to be. Since then, I have lost 30 pounds with just eating moderately and having a more active life style. I spent a lot of time reflecting on who I want to be and the kind of attitude I want to have towards my life.

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In the last year, I bought a new condo, made some new friends, shaved the back of my head, started baking again, taught myself how to make ice cream, how to plant grass, install a closet and learn to let go of the things in this life one can live without (like a dying futon no one wants). I donated about $1,000 worth of clothing and house hold items to charity. With the help of a friend, I made a new website and logo for The gallerist. I even traveled, making so many memories with my friends and family.

PicMonkey Collage1

Top: Ravina in the rain; Top Left: broken futon I finally decided to throw away; Middle Left: Tightwad Brewery, new favorite spot; Middle Right: new condo; Bottom Left: finally taking the kayak out for a spin; Bottom Right: Ravina fun.

Nothing will ever really compare to the commitment I made to myself last April about pushing myself forward and making a point to always look after myself first through tough times. You can’t skip these good parts. They are what makes your life so valuable and it’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. To focus on just getting myself healthy, mentally and physically. It’s a struggle and each day is a struggle but I am so much happier with the place I am today than I was a year ago. I couldn’t do it without my friends and family. It’s made a huge difference on my life. I still have a ways to go but I’m much closer to my goals now than I’ve ever been.

PicMonkey Collage2

Top: Me learning to be sexy and happy with the body I have; Middle Left: Door County with friends enjoying the last of fall weather; Middle Right: shaved the back of my head; Bottom Left: Decorated my studio with arrow love; Bottom Right: Kelly and I dress up for Halloween as dead trick or treaters.

PicMonkey Collage3

Top: Christkindlemarket; Middle Left: last sunrise at the Waukegan apartment; Middle Right & Bottom Left: Fourth of July with Liza, Jake & Sarah; Middle Bottom: Door County fire; Bottom Right: Robin & Carl enjoying Christkindlmarket.

PicMonkey Collage4

Top: “Tokyo Shawl” I knitted in Canada; Middle Left: knitted monsters & hedgehog; Middle Right: Monster cookies; Bottom Left: More knitted monsters; Bottom Right: first time making coffee ice cream!

PicMonkey Collage5

Top two images: Urban Edge group art show & Dryhop Brewers solo exhibit; Middle Left and Bottom Left: taking the kayak out; Middle Right: succulents are taking over my new condo; Bottom Right: voted in the presidential primaries. 

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Top: Enjoying the last of fall with friends in Door County; Middle Left: Stephanie and I at Christkindlemarket; Middle Right: Robin, Carl & I cutting down our first Christmas tree; Bottom Left: Showing Meryl and Stephanie my new home in Libertyville; Bottom Right: Showing Kat and Paul my new home.

Pillow Maintenance

I know it doesn’t seem like much and really when you look at it logically it isn’t much but certain things have emotional weight to them. Even when you don’t realize or willing to recognize it can be blocking you from moving forward.

During my drive home from my holiday excursion a bottle broke open on one of my favorite pillows. There really wasn’t anything I could do to save it except to wash it when I got home. I’ve had this set of channel pillows since my parents remodeled their house in the early 2000’s. Once I figured out the pillow could be saved I patched a hole on the side of it that had been there for as long as I remember. I can’t tell you why I never fixed it except to say that my depression made it impossible to fix. Each of these pillows has a similar tear from over the years.

Today, I am washing, drying and mending each one. So now when ever I look at them they will never say back to me, “You’ll poke your eye out” in my ex-boyfriend’s caring teasing tone as I rest my head on a small pile of safety pins that used to hold it together. The stuffing will no longer fall out and gratefully they won’t remind me of my life from over a year ago. It’s hard to imagine how my life has changed in 2015. I did everything humanly possible to make my life whole again. It’s silly to think that this little square pillow is a representation on how far I’ve come but even this post is testament to that. I’m writing again. So as I embark into the weeks head I will keep striving towards my next year’s resolutions.

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i scream for monster ice cream

So I think most people know how excited I’ve been to be able to start making ice cream. Well instead of sleeping last night I was putting together some ideas for what I wanted to do. I obviously have this plan to make ice cream. I also have no intention of getting fat and eating it all myself. So I wanted to put together some containers and labels and this is what I came up with so far.

I want to get some plain pint size containers to put the labels on and then the image shown below is more for when people come over. They are 8oz cups. So good for single serving and has a dome lid.

I found some really neat labels online but I decided I wanted to make monster ice cream with teeth 🙂 Yup I’m weird. Can’t wait to print these.

 ice cream collage 2

ice cream collage

Bedroom Mania

My lovely brother-in-law helped me paint my bedroom. I am so fortunate to have him in the family because I am not handy at all. I had this idea that it would be nice to do an accent wall with a dark purple brown. I’ve been decorating my condo in my mind for months now and put together a board of ideas and color schemes to keep me motivated (click here). The idea I ended up settling on was an all white room with this dark accent wall. Below, is a picture of the Pinterest idea (which I got here) and my final product. I am so happy with it.

bedroom copy

It’s my hope to actually construct some deer antlers by knitting them instead of having the real thing in my room. Haven’t decided yet.

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